Lonely

Honestly I believe that the loneliness I have been encountering the last year is really starting to take over me. I honestly make myself feel bad for not being with anyone. Is it me? I'm not quite sure but I do know this it seems to me that I'm just not willing to let anyone in yet, I've been single a year this month...maybe its because when I do meet someone I talk to them for a bit and suddenly I'm either pushing them away or I'm just so cold hearted that I just stop talking to them. Guess it is me. Am I really to blame though? I have been through so much and even if I began to tell you...you probably would not  understand. I'm ready for love again I tell you. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to live, I don't want to just be here for the sake of it. I want to share my life with someone, a man, not a boy a real man who knows how to carry himself. I want the damn butterflies again. The last year I have done everything you possibly could think of to become a young independent women. And I keep fighting this urge that I do need someone and it would be because I don't want to be independent. It's simply because I want to share my life with someone. Girls may think im crazy or I haven't experienced enough but boy let me tell you I've probably been through more than you honestly realize. those are my sacred secrets, I must not speak of because it will only bring me down. Love please find me already! Sincerely Mallory Messenger